自由之路 發表於 2013-10-29 22:42 7 d; {3 C0 S- ` m1 ^( t
Because of their size which are tiny, in any spaces which is small, what baby support cushions have ... 1 W' ~0 g( ?# `( N/ C! G
原文:
2 e9 o% \& ^; @1 ~3 p. ?9 v/ WHaving baby support cushions that cradle the body while supporting the head can keep the baby's head from rolling around during transport.
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學員改寫:3 K$ o4 v8 [/ Q" e: W \2 t) P, n
what baby support cushions have is cradle the body while supporting effectively for the baby head can keep your baby's head safe from rolling around during transport in your car.9 x7 d' D4 X* i5 ?5 w
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這裡屬於原文稍微難一點,因為較長- Y8 o$ y. D# s. F6 A/ b6 w. l
A can keep B from doing C7 V# e8 @. M) D! r: f2 @7 a. D' x
A = Having baby support cushions that cradle the body while supporting the head7 E) o9 p4 ?3 F2 N# T
B = the baby's head
0 }8 w( p! g7 q, b* C$ n7 q2 sdoing C = rolling around during transport
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但是學員思路是挺好的,我們繼續按照此思路改寫
% b7 k" e/ l$ @What we have is the baby support cushions cradling the body that can keep the baby's head from rolling around by supporting it during transport.* C/ T x: {+ y6 `$ R9 S
, H8 V; z5 V2 g$ C8 B: b6 G這裡的改寫方法都是樂樂改寫中提到的,這樣改出的句子,可讀性可以和原文對照,基本是一致的,但更核心問題是 樂樂改寫方法,保護了文章內最要的東西,也就是很多自己改寫時候忽略掉的。。。
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