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1.The problem with investment bank balance sheets is that..."on the left side, nothing is right. On the right, nothing is left."
8 l5 q( b! `- |9 z/ }: p3 | 2.There are 30 billion prime numbers below 700billion. The rest are all subprime. * Z/ p* h ?2 `) |( b8 l0 Q
$ x$ y2 e8 K% b6 I 3.How do you define optimism? A banker who irons 5 shirts on a Sunday. 5 k- D" a, u' f5 E" E) r+ ]7 ? u
, ?1 w6 Y3 S5 D, ]( Y 4.For geography students: What』s the capital of Iceland? Answer: about three pounds fifty.2 r0 t8 Q* @7 i l2 t# T. Y+ I2 ?5 o1 F& w
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; \6 B% G' E$ ~4 Y 5.What』s the difference between a guy who just lost everything in Vegas and an investment banker? A tie. F$ N& e- p4 t4 _" l" n% l, r% d
0 J; B6 t0 v) ~( w1 e3 N. ] 6.Whats the difference between a bond and a bond trader? A bond matures, trader doesn』t. , {) f3 J6 \, [4 _& k
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NEW STOCK MARKET TERMS . . .
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) C: S8 H( u/ T/ ~0 D/ V9 j CEO --Chief Embezzlement Officer. CFO-- Corporate Fraud Officer. 9 K! U% ~7 ~$ S
4 q6 g$ `/ f& g, N2 K0 [ BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
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BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex. # @5 q/ ^+ o: t- C8 n
" `9 R. Z$ y5 O VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower. / i6 N# S: J0 `; R. q
) z# R1 Q, I+ O& z3 f P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
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6 |/ E" O0 c0 _! O6 v( g BROKER -- What my broker has made me.
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STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell. 5 T" o, ~2 \0 B; z* p
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STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
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STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves. 5 |" ?, P. Y# g( v, X$ Y
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FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
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MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.
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CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
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YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share. ) w S2 m9 b& F+ V2 i9 O
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WINDOWS -- What you jump out of when you』re the sucker who bought Yahoo@ $240 per share. INSTITUTIONAL
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6 F0 s3 B: S5 M" ~( ~1 M INVESTOR -- Past year investor who』s now locked up in ant house.
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PROFIT -- An archaic word no longer in use. |
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